So after a good long several months of thinking about it, I started a new blog.

I guess richest_of_fare isn't exactly me anymore -- it's the persona of a girl from a different time. That's not to say that life isn't good; it's still rich. But I felt like my different outlook these days necessitated a different blog...

If you care to join me, please redirect any relevant bookmarks to The Alice Factory.

Why tumblr? Because it's the best able to handle the various facets of me -- music, video, pictures, quotes, and texts. Because it's best able to handle my technical, emotional, spiritual side and everything. (As implied, I'm basically going to put everything in one blog, but with tags in case I need to categorize my entries.) Because I think it will best represent me. No more of the foolishness of Xanga credits and e-props and commenting-only-for-Xanga-members.

Just me, a blog, and maybe you too.

A recent realization that really struck me while I was babbling on and on about 'God help me do this, and help me not do that...' Simply, the notion that sometimes even while I'm praying about doing God's will, my focus is still on me and my angst in trying to do the right thing. help me, help me, help me...

I talk about me so much that I bore myself.

The realization I had tonight is simply, God sees. El Roi. (... no, that's not Spanish for The Roi.)

In my journey through the book of Jeremiah, I see God becoming extremely frustrated with the idolatry of Israel and Judah, likening their actions to adultery. "I will pull your skirts over your face that your shame may be seen -- your adulteries and lustful neighings, your shameless prostitution!" (Jer. 13:26) Talk about humiliation.

By chapter 21, the prophecy starts to unfold. As the Babylonians attack Judah, the king sends the temple priest to Jeremiah to ask if God's going to deliver them like He's always done. And basically, Jeremiah says no. "This is what the Lord says: See, I am setting before you the way of life and the way of death. Whoever stays in this city will die by the sword, famine or plague. But whoever goes out and surrenders to the Babylonians who are besieging you will live; he will escape with his life. I have determined to do this city harm and not good..." Either humble yourself, surrender, and look like a fool, or die within the city walls and look like a fool. Talk about humiliation!

And yet, as some of the Jews chose the path of exile, God's heart continued to follow them... even while they were on their way to punishment. "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: Like these good figs, I regard as good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD..."

The beauty of the story (to me, at least) is that despite everything they'd done in the past, He doesn't leave them to their punishment. He's not the Parent In Heaven, watching and waiting for them to make mistakes, but when they do, He notices. And when they turn around, He notices, too. He's still watching over them and waiting to accept them.

That's pretty encouraging to those who feel like they've racked up a debt they can't repay.

This is pretty much the cutest picture I've seen all day. Actually, it's the only picture I've seen all day.

Wow, this is probably the longest I've unintentionally not Xanga'd. (Whoa, sorry for the double negatives in that sentence.) I've been processing a lot of stuff lately, and I've been encountering a lot of difficulties and hard learning experiences at work, but first I need to emote a few of the things I'm thankful for:

1. I'm going on a rock-climbing camping trip at the end of October in West Virginia. I've not gone camping in a while, and the last time I'd gone rock climbing was in Colorado. I am so excited!!!


2. My friend Eddy from college called me yesterday. He and his suite-mates comprised some of the closest friends I've made in college and were instrumental in getting me to commencement day. (Yes, back in the days when I acted... umm... less feminine.) In a little over a month, I'll get to see them again when Brad and I get to Cali.


3. I love Lisa. Both Lisas.


4. My sister twitters more. That warms my heart so much, mei-mei. :)


5. One of the most prominent reversing engineers in my field invited me to help him co-author a book on reversing, to be published by No Starch Press. I am way shocked that he'd ask me, but he said I have the background and communication skills he's looking for to reach his target audience. He said it'd certainly help me build a network of contacts. (No kidding.) I guess I understand how Sarah Palin felt when McCain talked to her for the second time in his life. (Just kidding.)
   

OK. Will talk about other things later. I really had to get #5 off my chest. Cuz OMG, big-deal reversing guy. Asking me to be a co-author?! Holy smokes! I don't know if I can really believe it, not until I see the finished, published book in my hands...

You're the scent of an unfound bloom,
A simple tune I only write variations to
A drink that will knock me down on the floor
A key that will unlock the door where I
Hear a voice sing familiar things
Then beckons me weave notes in between
A bow on string, a tap on glass
You pour me till the day has passed.

This is my call, I belong to You
This is my call to sing the melodies of You
This is my call, I can do nothing else
I can do nothing else.

I can't believe this song didn't make it on my xanga -- it means so much to me, and reflects so much of my Christian life. There are the good times when I've empathized with Jeremiah: "When Your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear Your name, O LORD God Almighty." And then there are the low times when like Jeremiah, I kinda think, "But if I say, 'I will not remember Him [...]' then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it."

Frankly, it seems that living with the sometimes wonderful, sometimes difficult reality God has been a far more profound experience than a safe-and-smooth life without Him.